Jokes today.

 Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
 Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop"
***
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.
'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks
'No', the guy says, 'she's not that ugly'
***
Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?
A: He got tired
***
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist! 
***
Flaslight.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" 
***

Blowjobs For Money
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." 

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800  a year!"

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